i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
