watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I pour the whiskey from now on
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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