How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
