Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
