You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
