My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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