As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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