Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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