he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
