dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
