Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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