I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
