I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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