I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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