his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
