I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
