I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
