you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk is not a location!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
