I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
