The maid of honor just puked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
