You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
