Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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