I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do herpes really smell.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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