He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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