If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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