That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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