New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's always time for handjobs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
