She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
