im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
