Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
