Betty ford says i'm here all night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize