So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
