I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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