Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Rumble strips road head = magical
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
