Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
