I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
