Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize