dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
