guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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