Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
