hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
