70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
