I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
