I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
