This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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