1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.