Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.