We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished