my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life