If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
