she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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