It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize