I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
