drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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