yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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