my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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