dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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