I never want to see another naked old woman again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
