Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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