I think my vagina is haunted
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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