My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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