why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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