Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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