Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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