hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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